


stray conversations

by mysticpendragon



Series: the fam group chat universe [3]
Category: Doctor Who
Genre: Everyone Is Gay, F/F, F/M, Gen, I swear, M/M, No Plot, all crack, connected to another gc fic, discontinued
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-16
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:20:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,658
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23173825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mysticpendragon/pseuds/mysticpendragon
Summary: random lil fic to sate people while i write plot bc crack is easierCorin: ever notice than when you boil spaghetti its not straight anymoreDoctor13: what does that even meanYazKhan: boil the rich
Series: the fam group chat universe [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1622644
Kudos: 33





	1. cats the musical

**Author's Note:**

> please enjoy this nonsense,,, i dont know where this fits in the timeline but this is gonna be all crack. plot is for the other fic lmao

**Fam**

**YazKhan:** ok but jodie whittaker is fucking amazing

 **Doctor13:** wot

 **CaptainJack:** Yasss queen

 **GrahamOBrien:** Am I missing something? Who’s Jodie Whittaker?

 **YazKhan:** idk but i keep seeing her show up whenever i search up the doctor

 **Doctor13:** skdfhdskgh

 **AmyPond:** oMG there’s this guy named matt smith who looks exactly like 11

 **Doctor11:** lAJFHAJKSDJFH

 **RoseTyler:** david tennant = 10

 **RoryWilliams:** david ten inch??

 **Doctor13:** wOT

 **RyanSinclair:** what the hell are yall on can i have some

 **AmyPond:** lmao go on twitter 

**RoryWilliams:** hes this super attractive scottish bloke

 **RoryWilliams:** he was on the catherine tate show

 **AmyPond:** uhhh mr pond is there something you’re not telling us

 **RoryWilliams:** oh yeah

 **RoryWilliams:** i bought a cat

 **MarthaJones:** MEMORY

 **MarthaJones:** ALL ALONE IN THE MOONLIGHT

 **RoseTyler:** i fUCKING HATE CATS-

 **CaptainJack:** i fucked a cat once

 **YazKhan:** furryphile

 **Doctor13:** im trying to contain my emotions and its hard

 **Doctor14:** eVery time i log on yall somehow get higher and higher

 **MickeySmith:** ‘ello tis me felicia

 **MickeySmith:** dont @ me, clara dared me

 **ClaraOswald:** omg you actually did it

 **ClaraOswald:** missy owes me 15 quid haha

 **BillPotts:** yOU GUYS ARE STILL BETTING

 **BillPotts:** what is this, fucking las vegas?? monte carlo???

 **ClaraOswald:** nah its the fam gc, we high here

 **RoseTyler:** imagine reading through this and understanding shit lol

 **AmyPond:** the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

 **RyanSinclair:** According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a **bee** should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground. The **bee** , of course, flies anyways

 **Doctor13:** banned

 **CaptainJack:** oh yeah i fucked a bee too

 **YazKhan:** i don’t like the implication that jack lived out the bee movie

 **CaptainJack:** oh it doesnt end there

 **CaptainJack:** ever heard of fifty shades of grey

 **RoryWilliams:** blocked

 **Doctor14:** yall are on some kind of crack i’ve never heard of before

 **TimeCrack:** time crack

 **BadWolf:** crack fic

 **Nardole:** MAGA

 **BillPotts:** if you vote trump/boris johnson you can go boil in a vat of acid

 **Nardole:** ...make america gay again

 **ClaraOswald:** tbh

 **RoseTyler:** but we’re not american??

 **FriendlyTheDalek:** BRITAIN FOR THE BIS

 **ClaraOswald:** QUEEN

 **LyndaMoss:** lKSUFHGDJS yes

 **CaptainJack:** ever notice that it’s straight to hell, not gay to hell

 **Corin:** ever notice than when you boil spaghetti its not straight anymore

 **Doctor13:** what does that even mean

 **YazKhan:** boil the rich

 **Doctor14:** pls dont

 **Doctor14:** thats a crime just take them on the tardis and strand them on the moon in the 1500s

 **RyanSinclair:** he had us in the first half not gonna lie

 **RiverSong:** yo when is the next she is returning plot

 **RoseTyler:** nope nope nopity nope nope

 **RoseTyler:** no plot allowed in this fic

 **CaptainJack:** wot

 **Doctor12:** OI EVERYONE SHUTTITY SHUT UP I’M TRYING TO DO TARDIS REPAIRS

 **BillPotts:** just mute the chat granddad

 **Doctor12:** excuse me

 **ClaraOswald:** ooooof you’re in for it

 **AmyPond:** lmao rip you

 **MarthaJones:** our thoughts are w you

 **Doctor12:** do you want me to post your essay on photosynthesis and cell respiration here

 **BillPotts:** NO PLEASE

 **Doctor12:** when will you learn

 **Doctor12:** that your actions have coNSEQUENCES

**<** ** _Doctor12 sent an attachment:_** **BPotts_Photosynthesisessay.pdf** ** _>_**

**Doctor14:** omg is that the essay that ended with ‘in conclusion photosynthesis and cell respiration are too overcomplicated and therefore homophobic’???

 **Doctor12:** yes

 **BillPotts:** aight imma head out and like combust

 **AmyPond:** 999 i’d like to report a murder

 **RoseTyler:** i’ll arrange the funeral

 **ClaraOswald:** ill buy the flowers

 **RoryWilliams:** :’(

 **MarthaJones:** yall make me crack up :3

 **RoseTyler:** I FUCKING HATE CATS


	2. (spoilers) discussion: is the doctor a twink?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doctor11: whY WOULD YOU EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT
> 
> RoryWilliams: ok i knew you were into bowties but not thAT much
> 
> ClaraOswald: and i thought you were the innocent one

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning! This chapter does pretty much spoil quite a bit of stuff I have planned for the main fic. If you don't care about spoilers, then go ahead! If you do, then skip this chapter. I mean it – there are characters here who haven't showed up in the main fic yet since this is set so far ahead.
> 
> if you do read, enjoy!!!

**jodie whittaker appreciation club**

**YazKhan:** im still salty that we were the last group to get our own doctor-companion chat

 **CaptainJack:** hahah im in 3

 **Doctor13:** we were the first but everyone hijacked us

 **RyanSinclair:** where’d you draw the line

 **Doctor13:** the fam chat before rose joined

 **LyndaMoss:** so honoured

 **SpyMaster:** you left me out

 **Doctor13:** boo hoo get over it

 **RyanSinclair:** 999 i’d like to report a murder

 **YazKhan:** not a murder if they were already dead

 **SpyMaster:** but im not dead??

 **YazKhan:** you are to me

 **RiverSong:** Ouch

 **SpyMaster:** why must you offend me in this way

 **SpyMaster:** what must i do to gain your unconditional love and support

 **Doctor13:** perish

 **SpyMaster:** boo you human

 **RiverSong:** yoU DID NOT JUST GO THERE-

 **RiverSong:** im ripping off your fucking balls

 **SpyMaster:** now are these golf balls or like. my actual ones

 **YazKhan:** yes

 **GrahamOBrien:** Kids these days. Shaking my head

 **Doctor13:** bitch im 2934584395 times older than you’ll ever be

**team ten inch**

**Doctor10:** lmao has anyone seen donna

 **RoseTyler:** Donna went on a hunting trip, and she hasn’t been home in a few days

 **MarthaJones:** jfc can i ever escape the spn fandom

 **CaptainJack:** lmao

 **JackieTyler:** Anyone want tea?

 **Doctor10:** in this economy??? hell no

 **JackieTyler:** bitch

 **JackieTyler:** i meant gossip tea

 **Corin:** SPILL

 **JackieTyler:** ok you know clara, right??

 **CaptainJack:** ye we have fun together, it’s all very gay

 **SaxonMaster:** god i hate her so much

 **SaxonMaster:** do tell

 **JackieTyler:** well i heard from her and she heard from bill and bill heard from amy and amy heard from rory and rory heard from yaz and yaz heard from graham and graham heard from ryan who heard it from hugo that the doctor is gay

 **Doctor10:** is this news or is this a history lesson

 **JackieTyler:** news!!!

 **RoseTyler:** how are none of us hearing this until now??

 **RiverSong:** You just aren’t in the same social circles

 **WilliamShakespeare:** Perhaps it is because the Doctor does not want anyone to know?

 **DonnaNoble:** jeez you people really gossip about ev e r yt h ing

 **DonnaNoble:** who do you think started the rumour??

 **DonnaNoble:** what’s rule number one??

 **RoseTyler:** i feel like a hecking idiot

 **LukeSmith:** I have never heard of a rule number one

 **Doctor10:** dont eat pears

 **SallySparrow:** don’t blink. don’t even blink. blink and you’re dead

 **RiverSong:** i hate weeping angels

 **CaptainJack:** the doctor lies

 **DonnaNoble:** obviously he isn’t gay

 **DonnaNoble:** i mean he isn’t straight

 **DonnaNoble:** he’s ace

**Bowties ARE cool**

**AmyPond:** why has no one changed this godforsaken chatroom title

 **Doctor11:** i think it’s cool!

 **RoryWilliams:** You think everything is cool and half the time it’s not

 **Doctor11:** I am never taking you on another trip again

 **RoryWilliams:** okay

 **RiverSong:** sorry sweetie, you should threaten something else

 **ClaraOswald:** threaten to make a twitter account about them

 **Doctor11:** twitter is for humans

 **ClaraOswald:** then why do literally a l l your other selves have it

 **AmyPond:** oof she got you there

 **TashaLem:** Doctor you little shit

 **TashaLem:** his twitter account is @bowtiekink

 **Doctor11:** whY WOULD YOU EXPOSE ME LIKE THAT

 **RoryWilliams:** ok i knew you were into bowties but not thAT much

 **ClaraOswald:** and i thought you were the innocent one

 **TashaLem:** you thought wrong

 **RiverSong:** You’ve clearly never seen him in bed

 **MadameVastra:** Isn’t the innocent one 14?

 **Doctor11:** the 14th me is an innocent twink

 **ClaraOswald:** skdfghfsskdjf dont call him that

 **Doctor11:** literally the rest of me does

 **RoryWilliams:** is this rest of you your other selves or…

 **AmyPond:** selfcest

 **Doctor11:** gOD NO

 **Doctor11:** hes technically older than me, but physically hes Babey

 **ClaraOswald:** thats what we thought about you and here we are

 **Mels:** I personally always thought that the Doctor was sexy

 **RiverSong:** past me please, for the love of all things holy, shut up

 **Mels:** nothing is sacred if i have a say

 **ClaraOswald:** are you missy’s apprentice or something

 **Mels:** or something

 **AmyPond:** Thanks Mels, very cool

 **RoryWilliams:** I swear all of you are on cocaine or smthn

 **Doctor11:** nah im just vibing

 **TashaLem:** you’re dead

 **ClaraOswald:** ^^^

 **AmyPond:** ^^^

 **RoryWilliams:** ^^^

 **Doctor11:** you’re all dead too who the fuck are you calling dead

**Coalition of Other Timetravelling Individuals Avoiding Spacelawa**

**ClaraOswald:** @Doctor12 do yall really call your fourteenth self a twink

 **Doctor12:** why do you ask

 **ClaraOswald:** it’s all abuzz on eleven’s gc

 **BillPotts:** hes not a twink he’s a precious smol bean

 **Missy:** even future me thinks he’s a smol bean

 **Doctor12:** Please never say smol bean again

 **Nardole:** sir may i please kick her

 **Doctor12:** no

 **Nardole:** you’re no fun

 **RiverSong:** Latest news, from 14 himself: he and Hugo are just best mates, he swears

 **ClaraOswald:** best mates my arse

 **ClaraOswald:** have you seen the looks they give each other??

 **RiverSong:** for context, they’re the same ones we give each other @Doctor12

 **GrantGordon:** Sorry, what’s everyone discussing

 **LucyFletcher:** Before you ask, he’s the Ghost, the superhero from new york

 **BillPotts:** why’d you assume we were going to ask

 **BillPotts:** shit sorry if that sounded mean

 **GrantGordon:** it’s fine

 **LucyFletcher:** yall just do it a lot

 **Lucius:** hey guys

 **BillPotts:** eyyy luce my fellow gay

 **ClaraOswald:** This party’s getting lit now

 **Missy:** what are we even supposed to be talking about

 **ClaraOswald:** who even knows

**Fam**

**Doctor14:** it has come to my attention that i am being called a ‘twink’ and that everyone thinks i’m dating hugo

 **HugoWarner:** they what

 **GameMaster:** hahaha rumours are so fun to spread

 **RoseTyler:** wait but i thought that hugo told ryan the doctor is gay??

 **HugoWarner:** no?? i didnt?? i told missy that i was crushing on the master??

 **GameMaster:** i might’ve disguised myself as the doc? oof lmao

 **AmyPond:** so what the hell is the truth

 **Doctor14:** I’m demiromantic ace. Hugo and I are like Donna-level

 **DonnaNoble:** woot woot

 **ClaraOswald:** excuse me

 **Doctor14:** ok i’ll rephrase it

 **Doctor14:** we’re like an inseparable hybrid

 **Doctor12:** Doesn’t really make it any better

 **Doctor13:** wot is happening

 **RyanSinclair:** chaos

 **CaptainJack:** very gay chaos

 **HugoWarner:** wait who added missy to begin with

 **GameMaster:** the doctor

 **BillPotts:** why even

 **Doctor14:** i was lonely okay?? let a guy have an emo phase

 **RoseTyler:** you have an emo phase every time you lose a companion

 **MarthaJones:** after rose

 **MadameVastra:** after the ponds

 **RiverSong:** after clara

 **Nardole:** after river

 **YazKhan:** after us

 **Doctor14:** guilty as charged

 **Doctor14:** well we’re all together so who even cares

 **BadWolf:** she is returning

 **Doctor13:** wrong fic honey

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh hello there friends, we have a discord server now if it so interests you!
> 
> here's the url: https://discord.gg/ufTEdWM
> 
> do note that you'll have to fill out an introduction before accessing any channels

**Author's Note:**

> (17/3/20) oh hello there friends, we have a discord server now if it so interests you!
> 
> here's the url: https://discord.gg/ufTEdWM
> 
> do note that you'll have to fill out an introduction before accessing any channels


End file.
